Sitting here, writing, what am I doing? Is this the start of something new? The beginning of a near future ending? Or is this the ‘it was here all along, you just did not want to see it’?
It doesn’t matter.
I love the feeling of getting lost in my writing, time loses meaning, nothing to say out loud… just me dissolving in a world of words.
Here we go, the first letter of a month of letters, a letter to my present self.
Dear me, I want you to know that it is in fact okay.
It is okay that you need time, it is okay to choose yourself.
Whatever is or will be, I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for trying what you desire and I’m proud of you for quitting what made you feel lost and heavy.
It’s scary sometimes, I know, a world so big you can’t even comprehend. Being here, not knowing where you want to go or what you want to do. All you have is this moment. No future plans, an unreliable past. The me I know is not the me I am. How do you make plans for the future if you can’t build on your past? If it turns out that you are not the same person as the one that you’ve had pictured for yourself all your life?
There are no clear answers to these questions, I’m sorry, I know you like clarity and concrete plans. Life just is not that. Regardless, you will find your way. It sounds cliché, but take your time and have some faith. Your curiosity will guide you.
And since all that is, is this moment, allow yourself to sink into it.
Let be what is.